Darwin’s Delight: A Menu for the Naturally Unfit

  1. The “Survival of the Flattest” Pancakes
    • A stack of pancakes so thin, you’d think they evolved to avoid extinction by starvation. Served with a side of syrup—if you can find it in the wild.
  2. “Big Brain, Small Appetite” Avocado Toast
    • For those who believe their superior intellect makes them better. Unfortunately, it’s mostly toast.
  3. “Natural Selection” Salad
    • A random assortment of greens and weeds—because only the fittest leaves survive the fork.
  4. The “Oops, Wrong Mushroom” Soup
    • A foraged soup featuring mushrooms you probably shouldn’t eat. Don’t worry, only the unlucky ones end up in the hospital.
  5. “Survival of the Greasiest” Burger
    • Dripping with enough grease to drown the rest of the species. For those who think cholesterol is just a theory.
  6. “Charles BBQ Chip” Nachos
    • A pile of chips smothered in the finest melted “cheese product,” with a sprinkling of confusion on top. Perfect for natural grazers who don’t mind their food evolving into a gooey mess.
  7. “Fossilized” French Fries
    • So overcooked and crunchy, you’ll think they’ve been buried for millennia. Unearth the ketchup at your own risk.
  8. “Missing Link” Mystery Meat
    • No one knows where it came from, but it’s slathered in enough sauce to hide any questionable origins.
  9. “Beagle’s Bait” Fish Sticks
    • They’re not fresh, but like Darwin’s trip on the HMS Beagle, they’ll take you on a journey—mostly to the nearest bathroom.
  10. “The Peppered Mothshake”
  • Vanilla, chocolate, or… speckled with bits of something black. Only the observant will survive this thick shake, as it camouflages everything it touches.

Desserts for the Undoubtedly Unfit:

  1. “Evolutionary Fudge Brownies”
  • So dense, your teeth will adapt or give up entirely. Perfect for those evolving towards softer diets.
  1. “Extinction by Chocolate” Cake
  • One slice and you’ll wonder how you’ve survived this long. Rich enough to send you into the next era.

Beverages to Help You Sink or Swim:

  1. “Primordial Ooze” Smoothie
  • A blend of whatever’s left in the fridge—just like life’s humble beginnings. Drink it and feel the power of millions of years of evolution in every gulp… or regret it instantly.
  1. “Fit for a Fool” Soda
  • Bubbling with gases and fizz, this drink shows that sometimes the most dangerous threats are the ones you never see coming (like diabetes).